Just Between Us

TO BE TAKEN CARE OF OR NOT?

It’s the millennium, and today’s woman is strong, confident, self-sufficient and career driven. As the equal rights movement evolved,
societies’ opinion of a woman’s ability has transformed enormously. A female is no longer simply seen as just a pretty face,instead
she is respected for being intelligent, independent and assertive. Women finally have a voice, choice and secure place in the world
0r do they?

Are women really happy with this new found freedom and equality? Are they really that “evolved” or do they still (secretly) long for
the olden days where they were doted on, taken care of and courted by a handsome gentleman?

Historically, women were seen as fragile, dependent and less intelligent and productive members of society. They did not have the
same legal rights as men, thus the struggle to alter perceptions and lobby for change was extremely difficult. Those on the forefront
had no choice but to become radical and extreme. Women learned to be tough and strong, denying any feelings or desires that
they needed a man in any way. For a woman to be seen as independent and convince society that she was capable, she needed
to reject any of the stereotypical characteristics of the delicate, feminine woman.

Today, being a woman can be complicated. While she wants to be seen as equal and independent, she also wants to embrace
her femininity and be treated special—not like one of the boys. So what does a woman really want?

I want to be Respected, Valued & Loved unconditionally. What do you want?

The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong as long as you are happy. It’s the judgments that other people make that leave you unsatisfied
with your decisions. Some women feel like they are letting down the “movement” if they are not hard-working career women. Other working
moms are riddled with guilt that they aren’t home taking care of their kids. Whichever way you slice it, it’s difficult to be an independent yet
dependent, strong willed yet delicate, self-assured yet insecure woman of this century.

The L Word
Sometimes it just slips out. And anyway, someone has to be the first one to say “I love you.” Oh, but the horror of saying it and not getting a response! How is one to handle that situation?

“You laugh and say you were only joking,” suggested one woman. She really was not joking when she offered that juvenile but somewhat appealing piece of advice.
Unfortunately, once you’ve said it, you really can’t go into a defensive tailspin. At least you shouldn’t.

Just for a moment, consider the best-case scenario. The one you love really loves you but was too surprised, touched or tongue-tied to respond right away. It may sound improbable that they’d have hard a time returning the L word after you’ve just laid yourself on the line, but some people need to think these things through. If you take back your own words too quickly, you make a bad situation worse. Maybe those three words were just temporarily stuck in your partner’s throat. Now they’re never coming out.

There are some less-than-ideal scenarios to consider too, like the possibility that you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Ouch.

The hard truth is that no matter how much fun you’re having together, saying “I love you,” is a relationship-defining moment, after which things between the two of you have forever changed. Once you say “I love you,” you can’t go back to saying, “I like you a lot.” If you’ve ever been on the other side of this painfully awkward exchange, you know that’s true.

The Best Sex Positions for Every Situation
The Best Position to Build Confidence in Bed Maybe you feel insecure in the sack and could use a move that can help you feel more confident and in control? If so, Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, has a suggestion for you. Memorize these three words, she says: you on top. “It can be confidence-building because it physically helps women to be in control,” she says. “Make sure to do it your way, though. Woman on top can be done kneeling, squatting, facing forward or facing backward, so show off whatever you or he loves most about your body.” The Best Position for Most Female Pleasure Gals, are you ready for this? Dr. Herbenick says the position that provides the most female pleasure may be a move you’ve never even tried! It’s called the coital alignment technique. “This is a wonderful variation on missionary and one of the few sex positions that has ever been researched and found to be helpful for women who would like to orgasm during sex,” she says. “It involves the guy sliding himself forward, with his shoulders past yours, and your pelvic areas grinding and not thrusting so much. This targets more stimulation on a woman’s clitoris, making it easier for some women to feel pleasure and possibly orgasm.” The Best Position If Your Guy Is Well-Endowed Looking for more “oh”s than “ouch”s? Here’s your move: “The guy lies on his side; she lies perpendicular to him with legs spread as they rest over his body,” Dr. Herbenick explains. “This allows her to hold the base of his shaft if she wants to limit his range of motion, and allows her to use pelvic rocks to create an in-and-out sensation.” Levine says that women whose partners have “lengthy penises” love this position because “they can control how much of him will penetrate her, and can create pleasurable sensations for both without the cramping and discomfort that can happen when he hits her cervix during intense thrusting.”	The Best Position for Long-Lasting Sex While premature ejaculation is a medical condition that your guy may need to seek treatment for, there are positional tricks you can try to help him increase his staying power. According to Amy Levine, NY Sex Coach; the missionary position (again, guy on top) may be the key to helping your partner last longer. “It can work for him if he has trouble going the distance,” she says. “The key is that he's in an easy position to stop and start when his arousal is increasing at a fast rate, and can take it down a notch so he can last longer.” Want to vary the missionary position a bit? Try this idea from Ava Cadell. “The ‘fox’ position is a variation of missionary, in which the woman’s legs go all the way up and over her lover’s shoulders,” she says. “Penetration of the vagina is very deep in this position. She is contained in the boundaries of his body and he can dive totally inside her, maintaining his arousal and lasting longer.” The Best Position for Women Who Have Pain with Intercourse There are often few quick fixes for intercourse-related pain; however, consider these two ideas that can help improve your intimate experiences. First, be sure to use lots of water-based lubricant, says Dr. Herbenick. Second, if pain is an issue, it’s important that you keep the reins, so to speak, in your hands. It’s why Dr. Herbenick, and other experts, recommend the woman-on-top position. “It gives the woman more control over taking sex at a pace that is comfortable for her.” The Best Position for Small Penises Experts are quick to point out that penis size is a very minor part of a satisfying sex life, yet there are certain positions sex therapists recommend more often when a man has a smaller penis. The best? Woman on top, says Levine. But here’s the key: “You need to gyrate on him rather than move up and down, or else he's likely to slip out,” she says. “Missionary can also help, with your legs up on his shoulders. This allows him to penetrate you deeper, making the most of his size.

"P" Is for Penis
Stop the penis prejudice! A man doesn't have to be big or super virile to be a great lover. Men who are small or sometimes lose their erections are often the best lovers, because they put so much effort into other kinds of lovemaking techniques. Appreciate your man's body for what it is; after all, you can always make things interesting in the bedroom by buying a fake penis (aka a dildo or a vibrator).

Life Cycle of a Penis

Experts explain how a penis changes in size, appearance, and sexual function as a man ages.

It's no secret that a man's sexual function declines with age. As his testosterone level falls, it takes more to arouse him. Once aroused, he takes longer to get an erection and to achieve orgasm and, following orgasm, to become aroused again. Age brings marked declines in semen volume and sperm quality. Erectile dysfunction (ED), or impotence, is clearly linked to advancing years; between the ages of 40 and 70, the percentage of potent men falls from 60% to roughly 30%, studies show.

Men also experience a gradual decline in urinary function. Studies show that a man's urine stream weakens over time, the consequence of weakened bladder muscles and, in many cases, prostate enlargement.

And that's not all. Recent research confirms what men have long suspected and, in some cases, feared: that the penis itself undergoes significant changes as a man moves from his sexual prime -- around age 30 for most guys -- into middle age and on to his dotage. These changes include:

Appearance. There are two major changes. The head of the penis (glans) gradually loses its purplish color, the result of reduced blood flow. And there is a slow loss of pubic hair. "As testosterone wanes, the penis gradually reverts to its prepubertal, mostly hairless, state," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Penis Size. Weight gain is common as men grow older. As fat accumulates on the lower abdomen, the apparent size of the penis changes. "A large prepubic fat pad makes the penile shaft look shorter," says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California, San Francisco. "In some cases, abdominal fat all but buries the penis," says Ronald Tamler, MD, PhD, co-director of the Men's Health Program at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. "One way I motivate my overweight patients is by telling them that they can appear to gain up to an inch in size simply by losing weight."
In addition to this apparent shrinkage (which is reversible) the penis tends to undergo an actual (and irreversible) reduction in size. The reduction -- in both length and thickness -- typically isn't dramatic but may be noticeable. "If a man's erect penis is 6 inches long when he is in his 30s, it might be 5 or 5-and-a-half inches when he reaches his 60s or 70s," says Goldstein.

What causes the penis to shrink? At least two mechanisms are involved, experts say. One is the slow deposition of fatty substances (plaques) inside tiny arteries in the penis, which impairs blood flow to the organ. This process, known as atherosclerosis, is the same one that contributes to blockages inside the coronary arteries -- a leading cause of heart attack.

Goldstein explains that another mechanism involves the gradual buildup of relatively inelastic collagen (scar tissue) within the stretchy fibrous sheath that surrounds the erection chambers. Erections occur when these chambers fill with blood. Blockages within the penile arteries -- and increasingly inelastic chambers -- mean smaller erections.

As penis size changes, so do the testicles. "Starting around age 40, the testicles definitely begin to shrink," says Goldstein. The testicles of a 30-year-old man might measure 3 centimeters in diameter, he says; those of a 60-year-old, perhaps only 2 centimeters.

Curvature. If penile scar tissue accumulates unevenly, the penis can become curved. This condition, known as Peyronie's disease, occurs most commonly in middle age. It can cause painful erections and make intercourse difficult. The condition may require surgery.

Sensitivity. Numerous studies have shown that the penis becomes less sensitive over time. This can make it hard to achieve an erection and to have an orgasm. Whether it renders orgasm less pleasurable remains an open question.
As Goldstein puts it, "The most important ingredient for a satisfying sex life is the ability to satisfy your partner, and that doesn't require peak sexual performance or a big penis. As long as a man's partner enjoys sexual intercourse, he feels like a god."

Dating Down
Dating a Less Attractive Man has its advantages.

A recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology suggests that for women, dating a less attractive man may result in a happier, more emotionally satisfying relationship. “It's possible that a man who is less attractive than his partner feels so grateful to be with her that he works harder to maintain the relationship, amping up the amount of emotional support and kindness he provides,” says Benjamin R. Karney, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Social Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. “Yet a man who is better looking than his partner knows he has lots of other options besides his mate, so he's less committed to providing the emotional support long term relationships need to thrive.”

Karney chalks up the relationship between a female goddess and a less beautiful man to The Social Exchange Theory: Simply put, people use a cost-benefit analysis when they think about entering or staying in a relationship. So a man might not rival Robert Pattinson in the looks department but if he's willing to please, emotionally engaged, and loyal, a woman will probably overlook his looks when deciding to pursue him. Likewise, if a woman possesses beauty and youth but say, doesn't earn a high income, a man will overlook that in exchange for genetically blessed offspring. Everyone brings something to the party.

And considering there's a shortage of hot guys to go around these days, say researchers at the London School of Economics, the exchange between a lovely and an ugly works out perfectly. “An evolutionary strategy programmed into our DNA dictates that attractive people have 36 percent greater odds of having a daughter than a son,” says Satoshi Kanazawa Ph.D. “Due to this evolutionary process and because physical attractiveness is highly heritable, there tends to be more beautiful women in the world than there are beautiful men.”

And if nothing else, you may find that a less attractive man will bring his A-game in the bedroom. Hole-front woman Courtney Love recently said that her self-professed homeliness was the reason she's dynamic in bed. “I'm better because I was never pretty,” says Love. “Pretty girls just lie there. Us girls who grew up a little more homely have to try a lot harder.”

If less arm candy means more orgasms, well, say no more!

Tackling Touchy Topics in Bed

The guy's great, but sex with him? Well, it's okay, but frankly you're a bit baffled --- sometimes even grossed out.

Touchy Topic 1: He Smells Down There

When your guy gets hot, he sweats. And we're not just talking armpits here, ladies. But there are subtle things you can do about that skanky stench. "Invite him on a pre-sex shower date and use it as an opportunity to lather him up," says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., author of Fearless Sex. "Then tell him how much you love his clean, soapy scent." If you make a habit of taking tandem trips to the tub, he'll likely put two and two together and realize that you (gasp) would prefer a clean package.

If his hygiene still doesn't improve, you may have to be more direct. "Guys respond better to direct comments than they do to hints," says clinical psychologist George Weinberg, Ph.D. If subtlety fails say something like "Babe, your package is a bit sweaty. Can you wash up?" And if that flops, a little motivational speech (à la "I'd be down there all the time if it smelled nicer!") couldn't hurt.

Touchy Topic 2: He Doesn't Last Long Enough

Some guys simply don't have staying power. But the good news? Your guy is probably aware of the problem, so you can tackle it together. Start by extending foreplay. "The more time you spend there, the longer you can make sex last because you control how excited he gets," explains Davidson. When he becomes too worked up, gently squeeze the head of your guy's penis. "This curtails the flow of blood and gives you time to catch up to him," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. Or try the stop- start method: As he nears climax, pull away and have him focus on pleasing you for a while. "Taking a reak for a minute or so gives him time to cool off," Kerner says. Then start up again and repeat the process until you feel your own orgasm approaching and cross the finish line with him.

Another possible factor in his speedy delivery: nerves. "Many men think they're expected to make love like porn stars, which creates anxiety," explains Kerner. To alleviate his performance pressure, take control. "He'll soon realize that you don't actually want him to last all night long," he says. And if your at-home exercises simply aren't cutting it, a sex therapist or urologist can help.

Touchy Topic 3: He Doesn't Make Any Noise During Sex

He could be a little shy about verbally opening up. Or he may have no idea that talking dirty is something you're into. So take matters into your own hands by saying, "I want you to tell me what you want -- and how it feels when I do it" next time you're in the sack. "Men who have never talked during sex are willing to learn once they discover how highly arousing it can be for them," says Davidson.

If he's still hesitant, approach the subject out of bed. Say, "I want you to talk dirty to me next time we have sex," advises Weinberg. Then when you're in the act, lead by example by telling him what feels hot for you first.

Touchy Topic 4: He Can Never Go Again

Great sex can be broken down into two categories: the "Omigod, I can't move" and the "Omigod, I want to go again." The only problem with the second: He can't...at least not right now. According to relationship therapist Bonnie Eaker Weil, "Some men build up sperm more slowly than others." So if pushing to go at it again only backfires, spend a little time kissing and touching each other. "It may help ease him into another round of passion," she says.

Also keep this in mind: Guys' bodies are wired differently than ours. "Sometimes, he just can't go again," says Davidson. So just let him know how keen you are to do it again later on. And in the meantime, you could also request an all-about-you pleasure treat (oral sex?) to tide you over.

Back to Just Between Us

Tales From The Bed

Faithfulness is the Best Relationship.

[ Email ] ~ [ Home ]

2010@Prymetyme