One at a Time!

Monogamy is something we have imposed on ourselves, not something that's built into our biology. Where men and women do differ, perhaps, is in the way we handle this imposition. Traditionally, society conditioned women to behave in a "respectable" fashion ... and allowed men both their extramarital shenanigans and their boyish protests that they simply could not control themselves.

Is monogamy too much to expect of a man — or, for that matter, any human being?  Have we set ourselves up by expecting that romantic love — itself a relatively modern concept — will conquer all, even our own natures?

Ultimately, the choice to be monogamous (or not) comes down to decisions we all make about our desires, our values, and what we need most in our lives. We make the sacrifice to avoid the greater sacrifices of loneliness and loss of love — and to gain the trust and fidelity of the person who is more important to us than anyone else in the world. On balance, for most people that's a prize worth holding onto — even if we have to fight our libidos at times to do it.

No one can foresee the future. But there are steps you can take to minimize the problems that could occur.  See tips on how to avoid dating disasters.

Every Woman Should Have . . .

• One old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come.
• Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to.
• Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
• A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella she's not ashamed to be seen carrying.
• A youth she's content to move beyond.
• A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
• The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it.
• A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
• One friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry.
• A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
• Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
• A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
• A skin care regime, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after age 30.
• A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
• A feeling of control over her.

We've become strong, capable women, yet we still expect the guys to make the first move. And you know -- or should know that a man's ego is a lot more fragile than we thought. With that in mind, remind yourself "It's okay to flirt with a guy. In fact, it's great!"

LOW MAINTENANCE GIRL

Much in the same way that a car can be high-maintenance, a significant other can be a lot of work, too. In place of a daily quart of oil, this person might need constant reassurance or all salad dressing "on the side." Being high-maintenance isn't necessarily a bad thing, but if you want to get all the way across the country in the road trip of life, you're going to pick the car that can go a few days without a curling iron. Mixed metaphors aside, the point is that low-maintenance ladies have more fun. Let your inner drama queen go, and land a great guy the laid-back way:
 

1. Stop worrying about your hair
The simpler the style, the faster you'll be able to get out of the house and into some adventures. Grow it out and throw it into a ponytail or cut it super short and let it air dry for maximum freedom.

2. Buy some comfortable shoes
The couples that play together stay together. And to a lot of men, a respectable pair of hiking boots or golf shoes is just as alluring as a pair of precarious stilettos.

3. Learn to laugh at yourself
Being low-maintenance often means being able to bounce back quickly from life's little faux pas. A gal that can giggle at her own foibles comes across as confident, fun to be around and less likely to fall apart when someone else makes a mistake.

4. Take it easy with the special orders
Chances are, the chef might actually know more about food than you. Designing your own entrée every time you enter a restaurant and tasting multiple vintages before settling on a glass of wine isn't impressive, it's annoying.

5. Take care of your own self-esteem
Don't leave it to a man to constantly tell you how great you are. Find out on your own by tackling new challenges or learning new skills. Cultivate strong friendships and family relationships so that he never becomes your only cheerleader. You know you're gorgeous.

6. Be okay with solitude
Even the tightest couples need — and thrive on — some time apart. A low-maintenance gal is okay with the occasional guys' night out because she can't wait to spend a quiet evening in the tub with a good book.

7. Stop making your relationship the main topic of conversation
Sure, every girl wants to know where things are going and how her man is feeling, but bringing up the state of the union every week is like making him go shoe shopping with you on a regular basis.

8. Stop asking, "What are you thinking about?"
Chances are, nothing interesting. Let him keep his thoughts to himself. You'll free up your own mind for musings on the finer points of string theory .... or whatever else it is you like to ponder.
 
 

Are you meant to be Single?
One main thing that keeps women from hooking up -- or from being happy when they are in a relationship -- is what Dr. Michael Broder, a psychologist and relationship guru in Philadelphia dubs "soulmate syndrome." "This is the notion that there's the 'soulmate' out there," he says. The extent to which you believe there's one somebody who can be and do all for you, is the extent to which you're not being realistic about relationships. "In the 'soulmate syndrome,' there's an unspoken assumption that all the issues will be effortless -- there won't be a need to discuss things and work them through. He'll know just what kind of gift to get you, he'll know exactly what you need sexually, and on and on," Broder says. If you have no problem meeting someone suitable but cannot seem to get involved, or if you are usually well-adjusted in a relationship but you seem unable to find satisfaction, it's possible that something like soulmate syndrome is at work

At some point, Broder says, "meant to be single" is about expectations, specifications, and mathematics. "It's a truism that if your specs are too high, your emotional obstacle course too mined, your unwillingness to do what you have to do to meet lots of people too strong, you're leaving it to chance. The best relationships start when you meet as many people as possible and make your choices based on the pool of available people." If you're not painfully single and you're putting energy into other things and not worrying about meeting someone, there's no need to go on a campaign to increase your chances. It might just be that you're meant to be single. If later in life you end up meeting someone some enchanted evening or on a hike in the woods -- in spite of the odds, it's healthy to have had a lot of alone time in which you've developed some independence.
 
 

 
Your Boobs
Breasts get fat. In your 20s, your boobs are made up of fat, milk glands and collagen -- the connective tissue that keeps them firm. "But as you age, the glands and collagen shrink and are replaced by more and more fat," explains Laurie A. Casas, a plastic surgeon and associate professor of surgery at Northwestern Feinberg School of Medicine. Instead of making your bra size go up, however, the added flab can send breasts down, closer to the floor, if you catch our drift. Wearing an underwire bra (whether you're an A-cup or a D) can help fight -- but not stop -- sagging over time.

They have their own monthly cycle. "Fluctuating hormones cause your breast tissue to change week by week," explains Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University. In the days after your period, breast tissue feels smoothest, thanks to even hormone levels. Midcycle, your nipples may become more sexually sensitive, due to increased estrogen levels. Finally, the week before and during your period, extra progesterone may leave your set swollen, bumpy and tender. Popping an OTC painkiller and cutting back on caffeine can help quell the ache.

There's a right time to take them to the doctor. Because your boobs are at their smoothest and least tender the week after your period, it's the best time to have your gyno check out any unusual lumpiness or swelling. "Your doc will have an easier time diagnosing the problem because it'll be easier to detect something abnormal," says Dr. Hutcherson.
 

 

Co-Habitation. Are you Ready?
When you're in a happy relationship, moving in together might seem like the next logical step. After all, you're always at his place anyway, and shacking up would put an end to all that commuting back and forth, not to mention the stress of trying to remember where you left your makeup bag. Plus, you'd get to eat dinner together every night, spend lazy Sunday afternoons spooning on the couch, and you'd have round-the-clock access to his gentle wit and heavenly foot massages. All this, and you'd cut your living expenses in half!  Whoa! Before you start packing, it's important to think about what cohabiting really means. First and foremost, it's a huge commitment, says Nina Atwood, a Dallas-based psychotherapist and author of "Date Lines: Communication From Hello to I Do and Everything in Between." "Couples often talk about moving in together from a strictly logistical perspective, rather than acknowledging that this is a life-altering step. But moving in with the wrong person can be as traumatic as marrying the wrong person," she warns. So before you co-sign that lease, sit down with your partner and ponder if a cohabitation contract is necessary.

A cohabitation contract is a legal agreement between partners that stipulates how to handle their assets in the event of a breakup. It can be as simple as a statement that both parties will leave the relationship with the property they brought to it and split any joint assets down the middle, or it can be a lengthy, complex document that identifies exactly which individual pieces of joint property each person will keep. Contract or not, are you ready to take this next step?

Now that you know your destination. Map out your territory, get your machine maintained & check out Mr. Perfect.

 

 

Health is the Greatest Gift.
Contentment the greatest Wealth.
Faithfulness the Best Relationship.
 
 

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